"It's Just You and Me Now, Mr. Dog"

Yay!!: to the LSU School of Veterinary Medicine's canine underwater rehabilitation program.

Booooo!!: to a bunch of lame-o suburbanites who have been laying traps to catch a dog with bad case of mange (or at best with a dingo for a babydaddy-daddy) now that the cicadas have gone.

For All Those Fools Who Bought the Triplecast in 1992...

...and are too [lazy/gimpy/anti-social/morbidly obese] to participate in those hands-on-the-car contests, your time has come.

Although, the grand prize makes it mildly tempting to enter myself, since I've always wanted to get obnoxiously drunk at an ice dancing final, however not enough so as to personally induce hemorrhoids, epilepsy, and renal failure from staring at a television screen for days on end.

I'm Chanting as We Speak

This?  Is awesome.

And, actually, it would be perfect in the event BC04 got insanely desperate and tried to get all Kitty Dukakis-insinuating-stylee up in THK's grill, because then everybody would be all like, "Duh, that's how Eddie is supposed to be."

 

The Survey Says

Who would be more infuriating to watch television with?  I'd say it would be an Independent, because Yes, Dear viewership is simply inexcuseable.

 

I Am Especially Enjoying:

A Boot and a Shoe, by Sam Phillips, particularly "All Night" and "Reflecting Light."  I'm also quite digging (again!) Martinis and Bikinis.  Ten years ago, I particularly liked "Baby I Can't Please You," but that was also the summer my heart absolutely belonged to Freedy Johnston, so Sam Phillips unfortunately wound up on a back-burner.

Speaking of whom, oh, Freedy: when will you stop making schlock and go back to making masterpieces?

Let's put it this way: "Bad Reputation" is the song I'll hear as the dance floor clears and reveals...  The fact that this song is (1) hardly ever played anywhere near a dance floor, and (2) when it is rarely played, it's usually on a grocery store PA doesn't deter me in the least. 

 

And Speaking of VH1

Nickelback are such a crap band that they've managed to boot-mash themselves.
 
 

Dear VH1:

Lisa "Left-Eye" Lopes did not burn down Andre Rison's house in 1995, but rather 1994, which also was the same year that CrazySexyCool was released (yes, the video for "Waterfalls" was big in early '95, but the copy for that segment implied that the house-burning happened at the same time).  Please stop showing up late to the party and making white people seem even more lame than they already are. 
 
Anyway, a propos of nothing, let's all cheer that the women's gymnastics team has not one but two (2!) members that can not only buy tobacco and alcohol, but also legally rent a car.
 
Speaking of which, I have some 1996 Olympics stories I'll share once this year's gets underway, 2/3 of which feature directing some drunk-ass himbo tottering out of World of Budweiser to barf in the reflecting pool and not all over my concessions tent in Centennial Park, like eight years ago tonight, with Sinbad being the Park's MC/Commentator for the Opening Ceremonies.  And then a few days later we got Kenny Rogers.  And he sang both "Lady" and "The Gambler."  And sometimes even Janet Evans, fresh from being knocked off the podium, would should up to make a bitchface on the jumbotron for NBC.  It was that A-list of a spot to be.
 
 

Diamond Anniversary (for Your Cubic Zirconium Self)

One day you're taking over shit all Disco Sucks!-stylee.  The next you're playing rock-paper-scissors in an ill-fitting suit*.
 
 
*Props to AP for forwarding this last week; easily the funniest thing I've seen all year.
 
 

Rockstar of the Week!

*blows note on pitch-pipe, taps stand*

"Darling, if you ever leave me,
I'll cry-eye a million te-e-ears.
I'll go to the nearest boo-zer!
And drink ten pints of be-eer-ah!"

And then drink five more, and then blow my balls off with a shotgun I shoved down my pants:

"He had it shoved down his trousers. After the shotgun had discharged he placed it in a rubbish bin and crawled back to his home address."

Awww, bless.

Just... No.

1. Simpsons did it! And here I thought Cody Gifford was dead, his mom having long been banished to cruise ships and regional musical theatre, and all was right with the world. Although now I must say I prefer the head of the Spawn of Zahn.

2. Hey, and now you can get all PDA on your PDA. Actually, that's pretty cool, except for the whole rubbing all up on yourself, furiously typing on your arms or wherever. In the middle of the street.

3. Why I Want Gail Berman's Job and Would Be n+1 Times Better At It Than Her Sorry Ass, Reason #78723:

Fox is developing a reality series called "Who's My Daddy," in which a young woman will try to figure out which of 16 men is actually her father, industry insiders say.

(Psst, Fox... CBS is already doing a sort-of even more half-assed version of this on Big Brother 5.)

4. Some people like the Nielsen People Meter. Others think it will not fully account for the viewership of everybody who isn't a white male aged 18-49. But will the People Meter and its more focused surveying kill all those non-news stories on your local news? Oh, say it isn't so! How, then, will I ever know not to sleep on the bedspread at a motel, or that dogs like to go shopping in the garbage when the house is empty?